Advice on Raising Healthy Children

Lakshmi A. Kripalani

Parents are bombarded with sometimes contradictory advice on how to help their children.

In today's environment, so inconducive to bringing up physically, emotionally and psychically healthy children, it is worth revisiting some of Dr. Montessori's core ideas-mixed with some of my observations.

Do not enter into so serious and complex an endeavor as bringing a child into the world without forethought.

Parents wonder why one of their children is so different from the others.

The parents' thinking and functioning are part of that environment and are, obviously, not the same when any two children are conceived. There may be a change in the location where the parents live or the financial situation. Even the relationship between the parents may not be the same.

Parents will do best by their offspring it they achieve some serenity during the period when they conceive and understand how their children's behavior may be related to their disposition at conception. The neurons of the brain are functioning from the moment the child is conceived.

Know that from birth to three years psychic creation is going on. From three to six years whatever is created is then perfected.

This happens just by living. The child acquires language and prepares for a civilization that is constantly changing. The child acquires all with perfection-even the society's imperfections. For example differences in caste or race are assimilated at this stage. In later life attempts to change must acknowledge the power of the experiences during this early stage.

Control the environment of the child.

Dr. Montessori wrote that to leave the child without conscious preparation of the environment is like leaving the child to crumbs rather than the rich nourishment of a prepared feast.

It is not unreasonable to wonder whether putting children of different caste and creed together at this stage might address a society's problems of discrimination.

Let me share with you an example from my experience with three to six years olds.

During a circle time at the end of the day while the children were putting there work back, one of the three-year-olds came and sat by my side in the circle. He was touching and feeling the skin on my arm. Suddenly he tenderly said, "Miss Kripalani, I love you." Before I could say anything he further said that it was because I had a skin almost like him. Looking at his face I decided to ask him if he loved my assistant, who was white.

He immediately responded, "No, I do not love her because she is white."

I could not let this opportunity just pass by. I asked him if he loved the child who was sitting by my other side, who was also white. His response was "No."

I said, "Scot, I want you to know that John and Miss Smith are my very good friends and I love both of them. They both love me as well. If you hate my friends, how can you be my friend?"

He was stunned and after a pause he said, "I would be their friend, and we all can be friends. It does not matter if our skin is different."

If I had ignored his remark an opportunity for understanding acceptance would have been lost.

Observe children from birth in different situations.

There are myriad opportunities.

I observe the children even now whenever I get the opportunity. When I am out in my garden, I see children passing by with their parents or baby-sitters. They are in the carriages or on the back of their mothers. Some walk, some are on their tricycles.

I note their response to flowers or the spraying of water from the hose. Even the tiny ones cry if the baby-sitter pushes them through without stopping. These children are not yet speaking but they enjoy absorbing the color and the change in sights. They even respond if I talk to or smile at them. If I offer them a flower you should see the way they kick with their legs and move their whole bodies with enjoyment.

I observe the children in the airport or on the plane. I interact with the grandchildren of my friends.

You can also observe the newly born children when you visit your friends in the hospital. It is extremely important to see how the newly born child also responds differently to different individuals. These children do not talk, but let you know instantly if you are appreciated or not. When you talk to them, you see their response to your tone of voice, your actions and almost everything. In other words even they are observing and assimilating whatever is around them - good or bad.

Create an environment of order.

Order provides security to the child.

Consider the environment in your home and around the child from the day the child is born-even before the child is born.

If you have order in your life, you can create order after the child is born.

When families move, it can be disorienting to the sense of order the child has built. If moves are necessary, parents should try to organize the child's room to maintain a sense of order.

Use language.

Language is crucial to the development of the child.

Talk to the child about everything that is happening around you and in the world, even when the child is very young. It is never too early to talk to the child.

Whatever the mother reads or thinks during the pregnancy also has an impact on the child. Provide and read all kinds of books to the child. Expose him/her to all kinds of pictures. Categorize pictures into groups as you collect them. Tell stories to the child.

The child's mind is a bottomless pit that can store any number of new words without difficulty. The child has the capacity to learn even the most difficult words, words that even an adult would not learn easily. The child will not necessarily repeat directly or immediately what you say, but surely absorbs what is in the environment.

Play is work.

Children learn through activity and constructive play, and every activity at this young age is a sort of play and learning. Whether you are cooking, sewing, knitting, repairing or painting, the child with you will be learning.

It's not work, as for adults, but play. And in that play, the child is absorbing civilization into his or her personality.

Freedom to function is crucial, but often misunderstood. Freedom does not mean license to be destructive or not function at all.

A prepared environment supports the children and adults, allows them to function in a meaningful way. Children are carrying on activities that other children are free to learn.

It is not merely the blocks that help the child, but total functioning in a rich environment. We may condition children to carry on certain activities with the material, but that does not lead to what Montessori experienced and called the normalization of children.

Allow children to be part of each parental activity that will be part of their normal and utterly unique life.

Copyright 2005

Lakshmi Kripalani was trained by and has worked with Dr. Maria Montessori and Mario Montessori. She is an AMI Montessori teacher trainer and consultant.

Dr. Montessori's 1946 Lectures-Karachi, India, transcribed and edited by Lakshmi Kripalani, is available through the Houston Montessori Center, 713 464-5791.

Miss Kripalani is available for lectures, workshops or consultations.

lkripal...@comcast.net.